24 Humorous & Cheap Gift Ideas For People You (Secretly) Hate

I love a thoughtful gift challenge even though I’m not known for being a huge spender myself. I love giving genuine gifts and watching the expressions on their faces. Personally, to me, it’s easier to gift for a great friend. I’m not one to skimp on a good gift and having this thoughtful challenge is actually totally fun for me.

But then there’s the exception, we all have that person that we’re just “eh” about. Maybe your spouse is crazy about them and you have to keep a polite face…or a coworker that sits across from you, thus capable of annoying you to death by promxity…(been there.)

For any and whatever reason, it’s normal. We all have an “eh” person in our lives. I think in modern 2020 vocabulary…it’s filed under “The Frenemy.”

So how do you…gift to someone you just don’t like WITHOUT them knowing you don’t exactly care for them? That one can be tricky. It has to be affordable after all, there’s no point in wasting your money just to keep up appearances, but it can’t be…”I got you a keychain from the gas station.” Ya know what I mean?

Crap Gifts With Secret Messages

When it comes to giving gifts, the hardest people to give are those we don’t really get along with. However, since you’re a lawfully good individual who isn’t consumed by hate, you still want to be relatively nice to the person you hate. So why not just give them something cheap and can be used – make sure they get your subtle message if they have terrible personal hygiene or horrible organization skills.

1. Liquid Soap

A lot of us have that coworker who doesn’t wash their hands after eating or after using the bathroom. That behavior is not going to fly after 2020. You can drop a big old hint for them a thing or two about proper hygiene by gifting liquid soap. Make it less obvious by getting them an attractive decorative soap gift set.

2. Tissue Paper Flowers

Cheaper than real flowers, this is a good way to tell someone they’ve stiffed to you on a gift in the past and that’s what they’re getting now. Some people might find this one very useful actually. But a lot of time, tissue paper is deemed as a half-baked gift, a subtle way to tell someone that you don’t really give a care.

3. Dishwashing gloves

Do you have an office or roommate that doesn’t wash his or her dishes? Let him or her know by giving dishwashing gloves. Maybe he or she will finally put some effort into receiving this gift.

4. Bathroom Scale

This is for people who won’t shut up when it comes to your (or their own) body. I don’t care about how your diet is going Carol. I know you would think that you would’ve gone for a mirror instead, but a tempered glass bathroom scale will make more sense and easier to wrap.

5. Bath salts

Let’s face it, who gives bath salt as a gift? It’s a pretty stereotypical ‘unthoughtful filler’ when you’re caught without a nice gift idea last minute. Whatever, you don’t like them and hey, it’s still a gift.

6. Cheap anti-aging cream

Here’s a way to remind them that they’re AGING and you’ve taken notice! Get a drugstore brand, or if you want, a knock off luxury brand like this.

7. An alarm clock

So you have that coworker who always runs late every morning, contributing delays and inconveniences in the office. Give them a subtle reminder to come on time by giving them a cheap alarm clock.

8. A self-help book

If you hate someone for a specific reason, you might want to consider giving a self-help book. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll help in fixing his or her problem. 

The Neutral Gifts (Harmless Gifts to Annoy) 

If you really hate someone and you really want to nuance the heck out of them, these gifts might be the perfect one for them.

1. Oranges

Like the fruit…a 5lb bag of oranges hahaha. To be honest, oranges are a good source of Vitamin C, so you’ll actually help this person’s immune system. In addition, oranges are cheap. You can even write a personal message on each orange, just to make sure they got the message.

2. Glitter Bomb

FINALLY, someone made it and available on Amazoniaaaa! Glitters stick in everything, everywhere. It can be stuck on the table, on the keyboard, on documents, clothes, etc. Your recipient will probably spend a hefty amount of time cleaning the mess >:)

3. A Horrible Book

How about a box set of the Twilight series? Go to a dollar store and find a book known for its horrible reputation. Find the bane of all human literature so that they would be annoyed that they have to thank you for it.

4. Neil Breen Movies

If you haven’t seen a Neil Breen movie yet, then you’re really lucky. If a person you hate hasn’t seen Neil Breen either, don’t let this opportunity slip and show this legend to your sworn enemy.

5. An album from an artist he or she hates

There is always that someone who would loudly tell everyone they hate this “artist” every time they got the chance. Consider giving the person his or her dose of own medicine. Rebecca Black, perhaps?

6. Huge Bag of Candy

Ooh, the gift of ill health, perfect. A bag of candy is another harmless gift for people you really hate. Especially if they were shaped like dicks.

7. Oversized/Undersized Shirts

Clothing as a gift is actually decent, except if it is a size too small or a size too large for your recipient. Make sure to choose a shirt with a strong statement (e.g. “For the lazy one”) to ruin his or her day immediately. 

8. Itchy socks

Who would find value in a pair of bad quality socks? Maybe there are some who would, but for your little gift, choose the ugliest pair you can find.

Chaotic Gifts (Gifts for People You Hate)

So, you decided that you really want your hate to be known and you’re not scared to do that. Here is the list of gifts that will surely deliver your message.

1. Teddy Bear That Never Stops Singing

At first glance, the annoying teddy seems like an endearing gift. However, this beast will sing “Happy Birthday” non-stop for at least two hours. The only way to end the song is to wait until the battery runs out or by smashing the thing with a hammer.

2. Fart Card

If you would give a card, make sure it’s memorable. Fart cards send a non-toxic awful smell to the recipient (and the people around). It cannot be sent anonymously so the recipient will know that you are the one who sent it.

3. Handmade Poop Soap

This one is a gift full of cringe and pure evil. It is still a soap, so you can actually use it, but not without your mind telling you that its a poop. Don’t forget to spray some water to make it look more realistic.

4. Crap Coffee

A lot of people want to start their day with a good cup of coffee, especially in office workplaces. Let him or her start the day with a crap coffee and savor the moment when he or she had to smile if you ask about the gift.

5. Lock Box + A Wrong Key

Muahahaha…ok but be careful with this one. Don’t get sued. Locked boxes make great practical gifts. But what if you switched out the key? It’s hard to think of something more frustrating than not having the key to opening your precious box.

6. The Toilet Mug

Can you believe someone made this? Genius. Giving a toilet mug is a harmless gesture, given that it won’t really impact anything. It’s still a mug, fully usable. And that’s the point, a worthless gift for someone you don’t really care about.

7. Prank SCENTED Candles

These prank candles will smell pleasant at first, the recipient might even love them. However, after the 40% was consumed, the smell will turn into something nasty. Get Apple Pie to Dirty Fart and gift it away :).

8. Rock in a Box

When it comes to gifts, a heavier box might mean a more expensive gift. Raise their expectations high and let it crash when they figured out it is just an rock.